if I had a quid for every time I’ve had an exchange this summer with another adult which includes the phrase “They’re just too long aren’t they?”
No dear punters. I don’t mean my my tanned, lithe and not-at-all-stubbly stumpy legs.
I mean The School-Bloody-Holidays.
I won’t bore you with tales of woe and stress and the fact that at one point I was so utterly depressed and worn down that I actually picked up a 3D decoupage christmas card making kit and began sticking the bastard little things together. You can imagine how desperate I was to escape the kids at that point…
And I won’t trot out the trite “Oh but remember our own childhoods! Those long, carefree summer holidays with endless glasses of Vimto and Skydiver crisps.”
No. Because if you DO have kids you will know already that it is NOT like this. And if you DON’T have kids and you are reading Funnylass, the odds are that you ‘get’ where I am coming from. So I’m sure that you can imagine just how much pressure the poor infantile swines have piled on them these days in terms of school work and schedules. It truly is a different world. Thanks to that Offensive Ofsted Institution. Or rather the Competiive Parent/ Government/ Nationality Big Society of ours.
So we have more parents having to go to work than ever. More extra-curricular crap. More fear and horror than ever of not producing ‘well rounded children.’ And this is all societal-driven stuff. Never mind the obligations and requirements wielded at us by The School System. At the end of the day – why the hell do we have to jam pack all of the heavy stuff on our poor wee performing ponies and hoop-a-leaping poodles of kids – throughout the other 40-odd plus weeks of the year.
Leaving us with this stupid 6 week killer-holiday period?
And of course, it isn’t just the parents who suffer. Think about all of the poor grandparents who end up having the kids palmed off on them. Think about the poor neighbours who don’t particularly like kids and have to hear them shrieking and have murdering each other in the garden all day long. Think about the long-suffering colleagues who have to put up with the whole ‘Hey It’s Summer. You Aren’t A Parent So You Couldn’t Possibly Understand. And Don’t Expect Me To Be Mentally Present For 2 Months – I Have Kids’ mantra that some of us parents clearly convey to our co-workers…
And think about the kids. Summer holidays are not all a-frolicking in the daisies. Here is the conversation I just overhead in our local junior school just 2 minutes before the they re-opened their doors to us…
GIRL NO. 1 – Am so like, glad to be away from my mum. She just told me to Shut It and that I’m Doing Her Head In. She’s so like, way sick.
GIRL NO.2 – That’s weird. My mum just told me to Shut Up and Get In The Car!
MY DAUGHTER – Ha! You two are so lucky – my mum is always like that. Holidays or not! Like, saying that I’m a Scumbag and that….
ME – (Interrupting) Oi! Stop talking tosh you lot – go and line up and go to flippin’ school!